Today we meet with with parenting coach Filippa Forsberg who’s goal is to bring families together with love. She will share her best advice on one of the most common question parents have: how do I stop screaming at my kids?
My name is Filippa Hagman and I’m a parent coach. I want to help you make your time with your children easier, so that you can enjoy a calm and pleasant time together, without screaming, nagging and complaining. We all make mistakes. But, you can learn from them and improve your relationship with your children.
“We all make mistakes. But, you can learn from them and improve your relationship with your children.”
I became interested in parent coaching when my son was born 11 years ago. The obvious things about parenting didn’t seem so obvious to me. I was also living abroad, in a place where parents were very open about how they felt about parenting. There was no shame, and all our feelings were welcomed. My friends recommended that I speak with a parent coach, which was a huge help to me. To get answers to my questions not only made my life easier, but also my child’s life easier as I became calmer and more harmonic as a parent.
After a few years in London, I moved to Zurich. At that point, we were a family of five and we had a dog. During my whole stay abroad, I’ve had contact with parent coaches. I could not imagine a better investment for me and my family.
“My goal is to bring together families with love.”
When we moved back to Sweden two years ago, I decided to become a parent coach myself. As a professional, I started out in the fashion industry, then moved to finance, so the move to parent coaching wasn’t the most given one. But I knew that if I could give back a little of all the amazing and invaluable help I’d been given during my children’s upbringing, I would be very happy. If I could also help other parents understand their children’s tantrums and see the emotions behind the reactions, lessen the screaming and contribute to bettering the child’s self-esteem, I’d be content. My goal is to bring together families with love.
A common question with regards to parenting is:
“How do I stop screaming at my children?”
When we become frustrated with our children, it’s probably because we haven’t set up boundaries earlier. We let a type of behavior go on for too long, until it boils over and we start screaming “How many times do I have to tell you….!!”.
All families feel better knowing what’s going on in their family. For example, by talking over dinner, before bed, during screen time and more.
When you feel like your anger is about to boil over, try taking a deep breath and don’t open your mouth to yell or say something you’ll regret.
It’s easier said than done, I work on it daily as well. But the old saying is actually true – practice makes perfect. If we’re simply aware of our feelings and if we can identify the oncoming feelings, we’re off to a great start.
If you feel like you’re too angry to control yourself, take a couple of seconds to yourself, perhaps in the next room, and then get back to your kids. It’s important that you explain to your children that you need a minute to compose yourself before leaving the room. Perhaps you even catch yourself going “STOP!” in the middle of your sentence. That’s fine! Laugh it off.
If a situation arises, you can tell yourself “This is not the end of the world”. Your blood pressure probably doesn’t need to go through the roof over the fact that they drew on the tables instead of the paper.
Try to speak in a calm tone, as calm as possible, to make both yourself and your children relax. This lets you sort out the situation as you help your children feel safe and capable of doing so.
When you speak to your children about why they shouldn’t draw on the table, you’re teaching them where you draw the line which in this case is on the paper, but highlight that you understand that it was frustrating that the whole drawing couldn’t fit on the paper, and that’s why they started drawing on the table. Then explain what they can do in the future, like taping together more papers to make a larger drawing area.
Lastly, how are you? Do you have energy left when you’re on your way to pick up your kids from school? If YOU aren’t well, then your family won’t be neither. There’s a reason to why the cabin crew always tells you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping your children. Try to fit in some me-time every week, it doesn’t need to be long, but enough for you to focus on yourself for a minute.